You told me once that you wished your dad would stay home more. You told me that you felt like he didn’t really love you because he didn’t know you. You cried, remember? You’ll probably deny it, but I remember. I got to hold you then, remember? That was the first time we kissed. That was all we did. It was nice. It wasn’t rough like those other times, it was soft, and sweet and you smiled afterwards and put your head on my shoulder and told me you loved me. I knew what you meant, and I told you I loved you back, even if I knew we were talking about different kinds of love.

You told me that you were only dating Puck because he was a boy. I knew why, though. It was more than that. Even though you guys had sex all the time, like we did, you could tell him you loved him and he would say it back, even if you knew it wasn’t real. I gave you real love, S. The only difference was you didn’t know what mine was. You just wanted more love. You just wouldn’t admit it. If only you would admit it, S. I could give it to you. I could tell you that I loved you, and I could list all the reasons why, and show you that you don’t need more love because I have all the love you could ever need or want and more. I have loved you since the day you first told me we would be best friends, and I haven’t stopped. Sometimes I’m scared I never will. Just ask me, S. Ask me for love, and I will give it to you. That’s all you have to do, and then you will never have to worry about not having love ever again.

But until you ask I will sit and wait, and make funny jokes that make you laugh and smile that smile I love so much, and I’ll make sure when you come over Quackers is out because I know you love my ducky, and I’ll even put the cat in my brother’s room so you won’t have to worry about sneezing, and I will tell you I love you and pretend it’s only friendly love, because right now, that’s all you want, and so that’s all I’ll give.